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in Travis s face. Tell us where the Seal of Solomon is hidden or we
will have your genitals in a nine-speed reverse action blender with
a five-year guarantee before you can say shazam!
Brine raised an eyebrow toward the Djinn. You found the Sears
catalog in the bathroom.
The Djinn nodded. It is filled with many fine instruments of tor-
ture.
There won t be any need for that. Travis is trying to find the seal
so he can send the demon back.
I told you, Travis said, I ve never seen the Seal of Solomon.
It s a myth. I read about it a hundred times in books of magic, but
it was always described differently. I think they made it up in the
Middle Ages to sell books of magic.
The Djinn hissed at Travis and there was a wisp of blue damask
in the air. You lie! You could not call up Catch without the seal.
Brine raised a hand to the Djinn to quiet him. Travis found the
invocation for calling up the demon in a candlestick. He never saw
the seal, but I believe it was concealed in the candlestick where he
could not see it. Gian Hen Gian, have you ever seen the Seal of So-
lomon? Would it be possible to conceal it in a candlestick?
It was a silver scepter in Solomon s time, the Djinn said. I
suppose it could have been made into a candlestick.
Well, Travis thinks that the invocation for sending the demon
186 / Christopher Moore
back is concealed in the candlestick he didn t open. I d guess that
anyone who had that knowledge and the Seal of Solomon would
also have an invocation for giving you your power. In fact, I d bet
my life on it.
It is possible, but it is also possible that the dark one is misdirect-
ing you.
I don t think so, Brine said. I don t think he wanted to be in-
volved in this any more than I did. In seventy years he s never
figured out that it s his will that controls Catch.
The dark one is retarded, then!
Hey! Travis said.
Enough! Brine said. We have things to do. Gian Hen Gian, go
get dressed.
The Djinn left the room without protest and Brine turned again
to Travis. I think you found the woman you ve been looking for,
he said. Amanda and Effrom Elliot were married right after he re-
turned from World War One. They get their picture in the local paper
every year on their anniversary you know, under a caption that
reads, And they said it wouldn t last. As soon as the king is ready
we ll go over there and see if we can get the candlesticks if she still
has them. I need your word that I can trust you not to try to escape.
You have it, Travis said. But I think we should go back to
Jenny s house be ready when Catch returns.
Brine said, I want you to try to put Jenny out of your mind,
Travis. That s the only way you ll regain control of the demon. But
first, there s something you ought to know about her.
I know she s married.
No. She s Amanda s granddaughter.
28
EFFROM
Never having died before, Effrom was confused about how he should
go about it. It didn t seem fair that a man his age should have to
adapt to new and difficult situations. But life was seldom fair, and
it was probably safe to assume that death wasn t fair either. This
wasn t the first time he had been tempted to firmly demand to speak
to the person in charge. It had never worked at the post office, the
DMV, or return counters at department stores. Perhaps it would
work here.
But where was here?
He heard voices; that was a good sign. It didn t seem uncomfort-
ably warm a good sign. He sniffed the air no sulfur fumes
(brimstone, the Bible called it); that was a good sign. Perhaps he had
done all right. He did a quick inventory of his life: good father, good
husband, responsible if not dedicated worker. Okay, so he cheated
at cards at the VFW, but eternity seemed like an awfully long sen-
tence for shuffling aces to the bottom of the deck.
He opened his eyes.
188 / Christopher Moore
He had always imagined heaven to be bigger and brighter. This
looked like the inside of a cabin. Then he spotted the woman. She
was dressed in an iridescent purple body stocking. Her raven-black
hair hung to her waist. Heaven? Effrom thought.
She was talking on the phone. They have phones in heaven? Why
not?
He tried to sit up and found that he was tied to the bed. Why was
that? Hell?
Well, which is it? he demanded.
The woman covered the receiver with her hand and turned to
him. Say something so your wife will know you re okay, she said.
I m not okay. I m dead and I don t know where I am.
The woman spoke into the phone, You see, Mrs. Elliot, your
husband is safe and will remain so as long as you do exactly as I
have instructed.
The woman covered the mouthpiece again. She says she doesn t
know about any invocation.
Effrom heard a gravely male voice answer her, but he couldn t
see anyone else in the cabin. She s lying, the voice said.
I don t think so she s crying.
Ask her about Travis, the voice said.
Into the phone the woman said: Mrs. Elliot, do you know
someone named Travis? She listened for a second and held the re-
ceiver to her breast. She says no.
It might have been a long time ago, the voice said. Effrom kept
looking for who was talking but could see no one.
Think, the woman said into the phone, it might have been a
long time ago.
The woman listened and nodded with a smile. Effrom looked in
the direction of her nod. Who the hell was she nodding to?
Did he give you anything? The woman listened. Candlesticks?
Bingo! the voice said.
Yes, said the woman. Bring the candlesticks here and your
husband will be released unharmed. Tell no one, Mrs. Elliot. Fifteen
minutes.
Or he dies, the voice said.
Practical Demonkeeping / 189
Thank you, Mrs. Elliot, the woman said. She hung up.
To Effrom she said, Your wife is on the way to pick you up.
Who else is in this room? Effrom asked. Who have you been
talking to?
You met him earlier today, the woman said.
The alien? I thought he killed me.
Not yet, the voice said.
Is she coming? Catch asked.
Rachel was looking out the cabin window at a cloud of dust rising
from the dirt road. I can t tell, she said. Mr. Elliot, what kind of
car does your wife drive?
A white Ford, Effrom said.
It s her. Rachel felt a shiver of excitement run through her. Her
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