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no idea how much trouble we were in, and how perverse and
terrible it all was. That it could ruin the rest of our lives, and
that she almost would have rathered that I was pregnant, at least
that would have been normal, and not disgusting and shocking
like this was. Grace had repeated the phrases over and over
in her mind all through her sleepless night, but still she could
not completely convince herself that they had anything to do
with her. Even by this morning, it was still a shock to recall her
mother using such serious language to describe something that
had happened so naturally and had brought her only joy.
It s bad. And a priest of all things! Meg said, pacing the
small room, making Grace dizzy. Well, I guess it could have
been worse. She could have made us talk to a nun!
They both fell silent for a beat, and then burst into gales
of laughter. Grace laughed till her sides hurt, incredulous the
126 Diane Salvatore
whole time that happiness was so quickly retrieved. Last night,
she thought she d never feel it again not the way she had that
morning she d awakened in Meg s arms after the night of their
first kisses. That Meg could restore her faith in goodness and
hope buoyed Grace and made her more certain of the rightness
of their love.
When their laughter subsided, they were in a tangle on the
bed. We have to prepare what we re going to say, Meg said,
suddenly somber. We have to convince Father Frank that we re
totally platonic, so he can tell your mother.
Grace had not thought of this, and the idea of entering
into yet another layer of deceit made her feel desperate and
depressed. She would never be able to keep track of all her lies
to her mother, to Father Frank, to Anne, to Glen, to Sister Mary
Alice. All these lies, all these people lied to. Someone would have
thought she was an embezzler, a murderer. All she was doing was
loving someone.
Are you sorry? she asked Meg, unexpectedly overcome with
remorse. I feel like I got you into this big mess. I m terrified
you ll tell me it s not worth it, that
Don t ever, Meg said, seizing her hands. Don t ever, she
said again, pulling her close. Grace could smell the mix of musk
and Marlboros rising faintly off Meg s skin. Haven t I convinced
you yet how much I want you?
Meg didn t wait for an answer, instead began kissing her
steadily, unbuttoning her school blouse, pushing her bra away.
Grace hooked her arms around Meg, pulling her blouse free
behind her, sliding her hands up to unsnap her bra and ducking
her head down to bury her face in Meg s cleavage, fragrant and
already slightly dewy. A bright flame of joy turned on inside
her. No one would ever be able to keep them apart, she thought
feverishly.
Grace tumbled over Meg, and this time, she was the one
to slide her hands past Meg s hips first, bunching her skirt up
and rubbing her open palm over her stockinged thighs, circling
each time higher and higher toward the place of her keenest
fascination. But by this time, Meg had joined her, hiking Grace s
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skirt full over her hips, pushing her legs apart with her own knee,
and angling one hand along her inner thigh with new boldness.
Oh, my God, Meg breathed into Grace s neck as they
wrestled closer, sweaty and frantic. I wish I could& what I
want to do to you& she whispered. And then her fingers were
there on that place that was rushing with some wild current, and
Grace felt her face go scarlet with surprise and the most deeply
rooted passion she had ever felt. Nearly dizzy with pleasure, she
groped her own hand further up Meg s thigh and found the same
miraculous place through stockings and underwear.
But Meg didn t leave her a second to marvel; she began to
yank down Grace s pantyhose, dragging her underwear with it.
Wait! Grace said, a full panic of scalding self-consciousness
upon her.
Shhhhh, Meg blew into her ear as she touched two
gentle fingers between Grace s legs. Grace went rigid with
concentration and tears sprang to her eyes. But it was too much,
too overwhelming, too revealing, too new and too strong a
sensation to take in all at once. The whole world revolved around
Meg s fingers on her, around the flicks and strokes, inexpert but
thrilling nonetheless, and yet, the fire seeped slowly out of her
and was replaced by a still awe, an aching love that demanded
expression now, even over the demands of her body.
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